From my perspective
When I tell people I have an Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), they often say they've never heard of it before. A lot of people have heard of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Paranoid Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder (better known as Psychopathy). I think those three are the most well known personality disorders. Maybe Narcissism should belong to that list also. However, there a nine (!) personality disorders, which are divided into three, so called, clusters. Cluster A, B and C. Cluster A is 'odd and eccentric', cluster B is 'dramatic and unpredictable' and cluster C is 'anxious and fearful'. AvPD belongs to cluster C.
According to the DSM-V, to be diagnosed with AvPD four of the following seven specific symptoms should be present:[2]
Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
is unusually reluctant to take personal risk or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing
Basically, you've got extremely low self esteem. You are so afraid of other people's opinions and criticism, that you preferably avoid every possible situations in which people could criticise you. That is an impossible task. For example, I find it real scary to throw away my trash when I'm in the school canteen. Even when if no one is there. I am always worried someone walks by and thinks negative about me. I'm constantly aware of my posture, my clothes, how I move, et cetera. Not just in the school canteen, but everywhere. It is very exhausting.
Most of the personality disorders are an outcome of attachment issues. That's happened in my case. My parents did not have the right skills to raise their children. Maybe because they hadn't had a good example, maybe it's because of something else. But that's not the point. The point is that their children have developed unhealthy ways of living. I'm the more severe case in the family. Luckily, my brother and sisters are holding up. I'm very proud of them.
Anyway, living with AvPD is scary. Everything is scary. You have to have courage to overcome the daily fears. I've always had an enormous amount of perseverance. I think that has brought me to the place were I stand in life. Everyday of the Ipast 15 years (I'm 22 years old) I've been anxious, but I see through the anxiety. I knew and know what my anxious brain thinks is nonsense. Rationally I can clarify things, but emotionally it is a lot harder. I am thankful for my high level of perseverance. It's helped me to hold onto my dreams. Even if I felt super anxious during almost everything. Of course I didn't get the diagnosis AvPD for nothing. I was avoiding so so much. Always running. I was too afraid to deal with things, let everyone walk over me and with my depression by my side, everything seemed pointless anyway. Every so often, I get that inner perseverance kick, which keeps me going. Keeps me going on with life.
I'm relieved to know some people can overcome AvPD. I'm working hard to be one of those people. My efforts are paying off. Really paying off. For example, I don't let somebody walk over me anymore. That is a development from the past few weeks. That is the huge advantage of being at a psych ward. You are in a safe environment, where people encourage it when you're standing up for yourself.
To all the people who suffer from AvPD. Stand up for yourself. Don't believe the overwhelming fear. Go against your gut, because it's filled with wanting to avoid everything. Choose someone you trust and tell them your fears. Opening up is the first step.
I wish you lots of perseverance. Good luck.
